Outward and Upward

It’s so easy to get swept up in ourselves.  It’s also completely natural and expected!  We have Adam, Eve and that sneaky serpent to thank for our tendency toward sin.  The serpent enticed them by offering them something that was too good to be true (because it was).  That snake said God was keeping the fruit of the tree of knowledge from them because if they ate of it they would be like God themselves.  Lies!  The truth is that God was protecting His children and when they fell for the enemy’s lies it opened up the world to sin.  The world would never be the same, and we would never be the same.  The Fall is recounted just pages into the Bible, in the third chapter of Genesis.  The rest of history is marked by it until the redemption offered through Christ and His death on the cross to save us from the original sin that entered the world with The Fall.

What does this have to do with my selfish desires?  Sin really comes back to being all about me.  What’s in it for me?  I deserve to be happy.  What about me?  I work hard and deserve a reward.  How do I work this out in my favor?  I need to look out for myself because no one else will.  This thinking is so backwards if the goal is to find joy and purpose.  Relationships crumble, marriages fail, and therapy skyrockets with no resolution in sight, because our sin forces our eyes inward.  As long as we are self-seeking we will not experience true peace or joy.   The quest we are on to make ourselves happy is only temporarily satisfied or leaves us worse off than before.  The more we seek to reward ourselves, the more empty we end up.  It’s like pouring water into a cracked cup.  It requires so much effort to keep it full, because it’s constantly draining.  We end up exhausted and still empty.

The cross is the perfect symbol of where we should focus our efforts.  We need to look up to the Lord, the center pillar of the cross, and have a relationship with Him first.  Only then do we have the strength to focus on our right and our left to the people around us.  The vertical beam literally supports the horizontal one.  And none of those beams circle back to look into ourselves.  Only upwards and outwards.  By looking up and out we heal, we find joy, purpose, and peace no matter our circumstances.   

This morning I was turning into Momzilla worrying about our upcoming travels.  The more I set my sights on the vacation my family deserves, the more anxious I became.  I lost sleep worrying about how much it costs.  I snapped at my kids because my mind is constantly preoccupied with decisions that will keep them healthy so we aren’t sick when we travel.  In my defense, I’ve got some gross, and scary, stories about traveling with very ill children.  Holidays seemingly ruined, vacation time I counted as wasted.

I tend to turn inward trying to make it all work out (read:control it all) in my own strength, because we deserve a break.  Do not mishear me- vacations and rest are good!  They’re a wonderful gift that creates core memories and adventures in God’s beautiful creation.  The wrong thinking comes in to play when I tell myself I deserve payment in return for my hard work.  These two things are not directly correlated.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say, “When you serve me and serve people I’ll pay you back in vacations and alone time.”  God’s love for us is not transactional, it’s unconditional, it’s not based on what we do for Him (thank goodness!).  He wants us to grasp that nothing will satisfy us more than loving Him and loving others.  The reward is the fulfillment that comes in the service itself, in knowing that He chose us to be a part of His great plan to love others and bring them to Jesus (Matthew 28:19-20).

God delights in blessing His children (Luke 11:13).  I cannot even begin to count my blessings because, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows,” James 1:17.  Every good and perfect gift.  So that encompasses every single good thing in my life from my children to the food on the table to my deeply rooted friends.     

So while I was spiraling worrying about my kids getting sick just days before we get on a plane for the biggest family trip we have ever taken, my Worship Devotion came on with the song, “Here I Am To Worship.”  I was brought to a full stop- both in body and mind.  We were created to glorify God in all we do (Isaiah 43:6-7).  Not to try to play God.  As I sang that song in my living room peace washed over me.  I serve a God who controls the cosmos, who created the heavens and the earth.  He sent His only Son to die for me, so that I might be restored to relationship with the Father and spend eternity with Him.  In light of the incomprehensible enormity of that, worrying about sickness shrank right down to its rightful place.  So I, “Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding,” Proverbs 3:5.  If I trust Him to hang the stars in heaven, I can trust Him to walk with us through all life will throw at us.

When I opened my eyes at the end of the song I could not help, but notice all the blessings around me.  The albums that hold pictures of our four greatest blessings.  A set of blocks my kids use as lava stones that come to life with their wild imaginations and fills my mom-heart with their silly laughter.  Even a few discarded tissues shoved in the couch by my youngest (you know the ones) that remind me illness comes and illness goes!  I saw a wedding photo of the most unexpected couple brought together by divine circumstances.  I see a stubborn, prideful girl who didn’t quite grasp God’s love just yet, but she would fall into it the hard way.  And she would come out of great suffering thanking God for the hardest period of her life, because she never would have discovered the depth of His love.  There is china from a grandmother wanting her legacy of good food and better company to continue on.  I promise it has and will Manana!  Right beside it are dishes from my teen years in Bangladesh, bought for each of us four kids by my parents, trusting the Lord that we would form families of our own one day.

My deeply rooted blessings of friends were there for me when I was spiraling and lovingly reminded me of Psalm 94:19, “When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”  The reminder of His great love for me allows me to release all my burdens to God and walk in the peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7), trusting His good and perfect will was, is and always will be what’s best (Romans 8:28).

I always knew I liked that song by Seph Schlueter, “Counting My Blessings”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZjWYgq9QfM

God I’m still counting my blessings

All that you’ve done in my life

The more that I look in the details

The more of your goodness I find

Father on this side of heaven

I know that I’ll run out of time

But I will keep counting my blessings

Knowing I can’t count that high

Seph goes on to sing about hard seasons.  The kind we all know too well, but they are just that, seasons.  So whether this trip of ours happens with healthy kids, sick ones, or even at all, I will keep counting my blessings, because He has already given me immeasurably more than I could dream to ask for.